Monday, July 20, 2009

In reference to my previous post

I remember talking to a pastor of a church I used to go to. He was "advising" me about my finances. Telling me that my wife and I should have a joint account and not separate ones and then telling me that I should tell my wife to "tithe".

I ran like hell and haven't turned back.


Blogger xfevv said...

Kieth, I gotta tell you my friend in some ways I agree with what that pastor was telling you, although knowing the situation I do not agree with the way in which he told you.

I can see the point of having joint accounts rather than separate ones on many levels. One it goes along with the concept that husbands and wives are united as one and therefore all aspects should be shared. Having separate accounts creates a yours/mine mentality that should not exist within marriage. Joint accounts also help husbands and wives be accountable to each other when it comes to the matter of finances. Separate accounts allow one or the other to hide things from their spouse such as addictions to pornography or gambling etc. Joint accounts also help couples make joint decisions on how they will spend/save their money as well as, in the case of a Christian couple, how they will use those finances to further the Kingdom of God. These are all important things that can greatly enhance the health of a marriage.

As far as him telling you to tell your wife to tithe once again I think the delivery was wrong but in some ways the message was correct. There are some scriptural mandates to the husbands being the head of the home. Not in a "lord it over your wife" way but in a "as Christ loved the church way". Sometimes this means having to point out areas in our spouse that need to be addressed. Often times these are areas that they cannot see but we can. The same is true for our spouse, they can often see areas in our lives that we need to work on that we cannot see and we need to be open to them pointing these out as well. The problem is that too often we as husbands, myself included, are afraid to touch these areas because we do not want to be seen as trying to be authoritarian or we feel it is not our place. What ends up happening is that we go too far the other direction and keep our mouths shut.

Just my two cents brother. Maybe give you a bit of a different picture. Love ya man

4:09 PM  
Blogger Keith said...

I actually agree with you Obie. But what patty and I have found is that what we do, works for us. I actually do not have an individual account, it is a joint account with my wife. She has an individual account of her own.

As far as the tithing issue goes, well you know my 2 cents on tithing. So I won't bore you with it.

I always welcome your advice and comments brotha so thanks for your input.


4:22 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

"Often times these are areas that they cannot see but we can."

No offense Obie; but, that's a bit chauvinistic. Were you to say that there are things that I miss and that my wife misses, and we compliment our faults, OK.

Oh, and the pastor guy, telling the husband to talk to his wife about the 10%, why can't he talk to her?

6:37 PM  
Blogger xfevv said...


I humbly disagree with you. I don't think it's chauvinistic at all to say that as husbands we are often able to see areas in our spouses lives that they cannot see. The same is true with our spouses, which I think I said. One of the great things about marriage is that we are able to help each other grow and mature and become the people God has called and created us to be. I truly believe that God gives us unique insight into one anothers lives for this very purpose.

An example of this is that when my wife went back to work after our son was born she had a real difficult time. It seemed like her boss was always coming down on her and things were not clicking like they should. She would come home and tell me about how things were going how she was responding to the situation. After a few weeks it became clear to me that even though her boss was causing some problems, my wife was contributing to the situation as well. You see she didn't want to go back to work after our son was born, she wanted to be at home taking care of him. Subconsciously this was coming out at work and her boss and co workers were picking up on this. My wife couldn't see it but as her husband, who knows and loves her, I could and was able to point it out.

I don't think that's a chauvinistic thing at all. I think that is the way true relationship, especially a marriage, is supposed to work.

As to why the pastor didn't go to Keith's wife directly, I can't talk directly to that. What I can say is that at the time Keith was in leadership at the church and this conversation took place in that context. As someone who is on staff at a church I would expect that if my pastor saw something in my life, my marriage or my wife's life, that concerned him that he would come and address it with me. Now as I've stated in the past I do not agree with how this particular situation was handled but in principle I understand where he was coming from

8:08 AM  
Blogger Dave said...


Having re-read your comment, I owe you an apology. You did say that a wife can do the same thing. I think I got caught up on the way you said the guy part being the head of the household. Not that I have any experience; but, I've never known a guy to run a household, he may think he does.

As to the joint accounts and tithing, I don't know the background. If someone has a problem with me, it's counterproductive to go to someone else to my mind, but then I'm stubborn.

6:24 PM  
Blogger xfevv said...

Hey Dave, no worries

10:16 PM  

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