It's Been Awhile

As I approach my 5 year anniversary of sobriety this song from the group STAIND comes to mind. To me, it is exactly what an addict goes through in his or her mind. People get sober by different methods. I chose Jesus. He was my healer. He is the reason I am sober today. Oh, and let's not forget running. I think this is a powerful song and I DID edit the dirty words so as not to offend anyone. I thought about leaving them in, but the words I replaced them with mean the same thing really. He could be talking about a girl, or the needle, or the bottle. But to me it is the hell of addiction that comes to mind when I listen to this song.

"It's Been A While"

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As messed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and messed things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that crap seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As messed up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and messed things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As messed up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry